Oracle detraction
Definition of Oracle Database
Shareware product of dubious quality downloadable from Internet.
Larry Ellison
Larry Ellison is reported to have rare type of oniomania, psychiatric disorder of addictive shopping. He just cannot resist temptation to buy yet another company (or jet). Last one was Sunopsis (check the press, while we just cannot update these pages daily). According to Shopaholics Anonymous, Ellison fits to several oniomania subtypes.
Oracle Marketing
Oracle salesmen has been seen in schools with other drug dealers. They are offering their dangerous stuff even to little children. First dose is offered free. Another ones are increasingly expensive. Many individuals and companies are reported go bankrupt, siphoning profits through Oracle money pipeline to fleet of Ellison jets.
Phone Call interception
Phone interception recorded by PAWACS spy plane.
On the phone: Larry Ellison, Oracle CEO and Safra A. Catz , Oracle CFO
Ellison: “Good morning Catz. Please, go to mall and buy me pack of chocolate candies. Yeah, and also one J.D. Edwards. OK?”
Catz: “Candies are fine, but J.D. Edwards is a problem. You already bought J.D Edwards. Their guys already internally compete with Oracle guys working on the same thing.”
Ellison: “Oh, never mind, buy Peoplesoft, then.”
Catz: “They are already Oracle, competing with Oracle and J.D.Edwards. Trouble is that many or our core people fled to PLA.”
Ellison: “Too bad. In this case, buy Malaysia.”
Catz: “Malaysia? This country in Europe? You really mean it?”
Ellison: “Oh sorry, I mean Java.”
Catz: “To have Java we would need to buy Sun, which is impossible. Sun was seized by PLA. Sun is out of our reach. ”
Ellison: “Goddamn, lets look into Yellow Pages. Safra listen, I have it, lets buy Sunopsis today.”
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