Dewordization of the Lawyer
Sgt. Archibald Beeblsh; infantry division
Reconnaissance and Intelligence
My wife is lawyer. And as all other ordinary users (and especially lawyers), she is not aware of operating systems, networks, hardware, etc..
As far as users are concerned icon is program, LCD panel is computer, MS IE is Internet, email is Outlook and Word is operating system. Full stop.
How to copy file?
- Open it in Word, regardless if it is text, html or image.
- Use “Save as“ to store it somewhere else.
From the lawyer's perspective, MS Word is the most critical part. If it is not there, computer does not work.
Don't even try to argue. Fact is that the Word is operating system. Don't waste your and users time.
This fact is also the major intelligence information, critical for offensive planning and strategy.
Campaign Strategy and Planning
I decided to attack first directly to the strongest enemy unit – The MS Word Platoon. Our OO Platoon will launch major offensive but only after heavy artillery preparation. When Word Platoon is defeated, our OO troops wedge in the middle of enemy position.
Then, one by one, rest of enemy units are destroyed. MS Outlook unit is destroyed by Thunderbird, MS IE is finished off by Firefox units and finally Windows and supporting units are swept over by Linux paratroopers.
As a good commander I had also an escape plan. If resistance of MS Word units will be too strong, we will retreat, not wasting time and material on less important units. Without defeating Word, we can't win the battle.
I divided Operation Dewordization to 5 phases:
- Artillery preparation and propaganda. Weaken Word units and demoralize soldiers.
- Operation Overlord. The most critical part. Take hold on enemy territory and use it as a base for successive advances.
- Operation Thunderbird. MS Outlook units are destroyed.
- Operation Firebird. MS IE is not Internet, Firefox is.
- Operation Ubuntu and Ethnic Cleansing. Territory is ethnically cleansed from Windows and its apps, Linux makes the rules.
List of weaponry
Battle phases
Artillery Preparation and Propaganda
At this stage lies and deceptions are the norm. Propaganda highlights:
- MS stopped support for this Word version (partially true)
- Presentation of MS price list (truth). MS Office prices are presented in terms of fancy shoes and bags.
- New MS Word is slow and big, it will not run on current hardware (shameless lie).
- There is a plenty of cases when all money from victims bank account has been stolen by malicious macros in word documents (lie, but sounds good, isn't it?).
After this heavy artillery preparation enemy MS Word units are weakened and faltering. Major attack can start.
Operation Overlord
This stage takes around a month. On Windows there are installed MS and Open Offices together. Because icon is application (see preface), there is only OO Writer icon on the desktop, and Word can be found only in Program Menu. During this time templates and other important stuff are migrated to OO Writer.
This operation ends when lawyer forgets MS Word and starts to think that OO Writer is operating system. At this stage MS Office can be unistalled, although it is not neccessary while from users point of view it does not exists anymore.
There is also one elegant, but risky, shortcut. Victory can be achieved in one day in four simple steps:
- Uninstall MS Office from user's (lawyer's) computer.
- Install Open Office.
- Change OO Writer Icon on the desktop – use MS Word icon instead.
- Tell user that this is new MS Office upgrade.
Operations Firefox and Thunderbird
When OpenOffice capsule is secured, Mozilla troops takes lead. Swiftly takes over positions held by enemies Outlook and MS IE platoons. - Mozilla encounters stronger resistance by Internet banking and some other special units, however after two days last trenches are occupied.
Operation Ubuntu and Ethnic Cleansing
Enemy territory is almost in our hands. Remains only isolated resistance spots. Although they are not of great strategic value, there is a risk that they will be used by enemy in the future as a base for counter attack. Ubuntu paratroopers from PLA airborne division are called to seize remaining territory. During night after configuring networks, printers, fax and other hardware is territory ethnically cleansed, Solitaire, Calculator and all Windows apps are quietly resting in mass graves, hopefully forever.
Common Mistakes
- Many officers think that Windows is operating system. This misconception leads them to disastrous decision to attack Windows first and then solve the rest. They will end fighting on several fronts at once. My wife is right: Word is operating system. Attack Word first.
- “Switch to Linux is easy.” If you tell this to users, they later tell to others that it is not so easy. Tell them that it is difficult, painful, but worth the effort. They will spread the word that going to Linux it is not so terrible.
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